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The Jason Bourne of Jihad Takes on the Entire Islamic State

Published 2 months ago

Nine seconds of incredibly rare footage of the Jason Borne of Jihad has surfaced today showing that time he destroyed the entire Islamic State while dual wielding fully semi-automatic assault rifle-47s.


Ok, so for the purpose of context, this footage was recorded during Operation Euphrates Shield in Al Bab, Syria back in 2017. It shows a member of the Free Syrian Army attempting to do something like an impression of suppression against an Islamic State position.


Now, for those of you that are curious about the actual context of this footage, what you're looking at is nine of the rarest seconds of warfare ever recorded. It features the Jason Borne of Jihad conducting clandestine suppression operations against the entirety of the Islamic State. That's right boys and girls, the entire Islamic State is on the other end of those two AK-47 barrels, and Jason Borne here is absolutely dominating them through his sheer force of will.


Little known fact, in this video, the AK sights are set to the maximum range. The slider on the top of the AK-47's site doesn't just adjust the range of the weapon system though. It actually increase muzzle velocity, stopping power, and the overall effectiveness of the round. When set to the maximum power, the rifle's round actually becomes strong enough to explode entire watermelons at ranges of up to 11,000 meters. On top of that, when you lift the shoulder thing that goes up, the rifle has the ability with a .30-caliber clip to disperse with 30 bullets within half a second. Let me say that again, a thirty round magazine clip in half a second.


The Islamic State didn't know what hit them in this one. At least 30,000 rounds of .30 caliber clip ammunition was dispensed in this single nine second clip.


For legal reasons, everything after the first paragraph was satire. Miss me with your comments if you can't take a joke.


josh brooks

Published 2 months ago

Nine seconds of incredibly rare footage of the Jason Borne of Jihad has surfaced today showing that time he destroyed the entire Islamic State while dual wielding fully semi-automatic assault rifle-47s.


Ok, so for the purpose of context, this footage was recorded during Operation Euphrates Shield in Al Bab, Syria back in 2017. It shows a member of the Free Syrian Army attempting to do something like an impression of suppression against an Islamic State position.


Now, for those of you that are curious about the actual context of this footage, what you're looking at is nine of the rarest seconds of warfare ever recorded. It features the Jason Borne of Jihad conducting clandestine suppression operations against the entirety of the Islamic State. That's right boys and girls, the entire Islamic State is on the other end of those two AK-47 barrels, and Jason Borne here is absolutely dominating them through his sheer force of will.


Little known fact, in this video, the AK sights are set to the maximum range. The slider on the top of the AK-47's site doesn't just adjust the range of the weapon system though. It actually increase muzzle velocity, stopping power, and the overall effectiveness of the round. When set to the maximum power, the rifle's round actually becomes strong enough to explode entire watermelons at ranges of up to 11,000 meters. On top of that, when you lift the shoulder thing that goes up, the rifle has the ability with a .30-caliber clip to disperse with 30 bullets within half a second. Let me say that again, a thirty round magazine clip in half a second.


The Islamic State didn't know what hit them in this one. At least 30,000 rounds of .30 caliber clip ammunition was dispensed in this single nine second clip.


For legal reasons, everything after the first paragraph was satire. Miss me with your comments if you can't take a joke.


josh brooks

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